For love and money: how talking about finances can unlock successful relationships

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, filled with the promise of chocolates, roses, and candlelit dinners. This time of year, it’s easy to talk about all the whimsical and romantic ways our relationships can blossom, but while grand gestures make for great social media content, they often promote unrealistic expectations for what it takes to build a successful relationship. We rarely share why relationships fail, and why Valentine’s Day is actually an opportunity to start off on the right foot, or perhaps get back on track.

So, I’d like to do just that. Specifically, I’d like to talk about one of the most common reasons why relationships fail: money.

A Sore Subject

Money has been identified as a “leading cause of marital conflict”, which means it’s crucial for couples to address this aspect of their relationship proactively. The dynamics of managing finances can be complex, and misunderstandings or mismanagement can lead to stress, arguments, and ultimately the demise of a relationship. As a dating coach of over 15 years, I believe that fostering a healthy approach to money is key to building a strong foundation for a lasting and fulfilling partnership.

The problem isn’t necessarily that people don’t talk about their finances - though it’s true that many don’t. In the lead up to Valentine’s Day, Wise asked its customers how often they talk to their partner about money, and while almost 17% of respondents said they “never” talk about money, over 58% said they discuss it “all the time.” Similarly, financial transparency is highly important for the majority of people. The same Wise poll revealed that 65% believe it is “very important” to have transparency around your partner’s finances and how they manage their money.*

Even if you regularly talk about money and value financial compatibility, couples may find themselves facing challenges when trying to align their individual values, priorities, and attitudes towards money. Luckily, there are a number of ways to address potential financial misalignment.

Top Tips for a Financially Healthy Relationship

1. Open Communication is Key

The foundation of any healthy relationship, especially when it comes to money matters, is open communication. Couples should feel comfortable discussing their financial goals, expectations, and concerns. Regular check-ins about budgeting, savings, and long-term plans can help prevent misunderstandings and foster a sense of teamwork.

2. Create a Joint Budget

Developing a joint budget allows both partners to have a clear understanding of their financial situation. This collaborative effort ensures that both individuals are actively involved in decision-making and feel a sense of ownership over their shared financial future. Be sure to allocate funds for shared goals and individual interests.

3. Align on how costs are shared

It’s important to understand your significant other’s philosophy around how you split the costs of shared ventures, whether that’s bills or holidays abroad. Some couples choose to split 50/50, while others might opt for a percentage contribution based on earnings. If you’re not communicating these preferences early on, splitting the bill is likely to become a recurring sticking point in your relationship.

4. Establish financial goals together

Shared Goals are one of the key pillars of long-term compatibility. Building a future together involves setting common financial goals. Whether it's saving for a home, planning for your dream vacation, or investing for retirement, aligning your aspirations ensures that you're both working towards a shared vision. This not only strengthens your financial foundation but also deepens your emotional connection.

5. Maintain Some Financial Independence

While joint financial planning is important, maintaining some degree of financial independence is equally vital. Each partner should have personal space for discretionary spending and financial autonomy. This not only respects individual preferences but also promotes a healthy balance in the relationship.

6. Choosing the tools that work for you

However you decide to manage your finances together, make sure you’re using the right financial tools to suit your situation. For example, if one of your joint goals is saving for your summer vacation in Europe, consider using Wise to hold your Euros. By putting a little aside into your Wise account every month and converting it into Euros, you will not only save costs on the exchange rate and have full transparency over international fees, but you can also earn interest on your EUR balance, so you’ll have a little extra spending money by the time you board your flights.

Wise is also a great choice for long-distance couples, who quite literally have to go the extra mile to treat each other this Valentine’s Day. Consider sending your partner money in the local currency they’re using as a sweet surprise, for them to pick up their favorite morning coffee or a delicious dinner that you could share over video chat. The coolest part, you’ll save money on international fees, and your money will arrive so fast it’ll make your heart skip a beat. Over 60% of transactions sent with Wise arrive in under 20 seconds, so when your partner texts that they’re in line at their local cafe, your money could be sent in time for them to pay.

Celebrating Valentine’s Day and Beyond

As Valentine's Day approaches, take the opportunity to discuss your approach to money openly. Consider it a celebration of your commitment to each other's well-being, both emotionally and financially. Plan a budget-friendly date or a creative gift exchange that aligns with your financial goals.

Remember, the key to a successful relationship lies not just in the grand gestures, but in the everyday decisions you make together. By approaching money with transparency, collaboration, and understanding, you're not only preventing a common cause of relationship failure but also building a foundation for a love that lasts beyond Valentine's Day, all year round.

*This data was collected as a result of two separate social media polls on Instagram and X (Twitter) conducted by Wise between February 13th - February 14th 2024. Respondents were not limited or tracked by geographical region or demographic information. Each poll had a sample size of over 300 respondents